Monday, May 5, 2014

A Dinnertime in the Life Of

5:45 p.m. Basking in the sun at the playground. Wonder vaguely what to make for dinner.

5:53 p.m. Remember that I am supposed to be on a Twitter chat for work, which starts in seven minutes. Attempt to wrangle playing children. Feels a little like a game of Pac-Man.

6:01 p.m. Unceremoniously dump children into the house. Shove a bottle at screaming baby.

6:07 p.m. Now late to the Twitter chat because of inept struggle with the iPad cover.

6:09 p.m. Finally on Twitter chat. Boy #1 escapes outside.

6:12 p.m. Remember that the masses still need to be fed. Begin hard-boiling eggs. Add too much water, which will shortly become another problem.

6:17 p.m. Boy #2 escapes outside.

6:20 p.m. Boiling water overflows. Baby throws bottle at me, howls to be set free of car seat. Twitter chat continues at the speed of light. What are these other people doing at dinner time that they have so much time to Tweet four times a minute?

6:26 p.m. Boy #2 finds the biggest branch in the yard and is wielding it like a sword, all the while teetering on the edge of the landscaping. Boy #1 breaks baseball T and demands I fix it immediately. Threaten loss of all dinosaur toys if they don't behave.

6:28 p.m. Realize we have no fruits or vegetables on the house. Food pyramid fail.

6:35 p.m. Twitter chat is now going so rapidly that my responses coming in two minutes late are clearly "so yesterday."

6:38 p.m. Both boys now running through the yard in their socks. Run out to corral them inside. While retrieving Boy #2, Baby somehow manages to open screen door and is headed outside. Jump down treacherous stairs, with a boy over my shoulder, to save Baby.

6:42 p.m. Crack eggs incorrectly, have to peel shells off in millimeter-sized pieces. Decide that a crunchy egg salad sandwich is exactly what the kids will eat.

6:45 p.m. Yell at three older children for stepping on each other. Discover hidden stash of peaches. Feel slightly less incompetent.

6:46 p.m. Hear Girl consoling crying brother who is sad that Mommy yelled. Feel incompetent all over again.

6:49 p.m. Finally figure out iPad cover, but give up on Twitter chat. Boy #2 dumps full glass of water all over the floor, and then kicks the Baby.

6:53 p.m. Feel slightly crazed and start mumbling to myself. Girl says, "It's okay, Mommy."

6:59 p.m. All children seated, prayers said, eating late dinner. Half ends up on the floor, but no one mentions crunchy eggs.

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